Thank heavens aliens and their flying saucers are so thoughtful! As reported by Fox news — yeah, imagine that — a Russian scientist claims that an alien spaceship crashed into an incoming asteroid in 1908 to save the Earth.
Kinda brings a tear to your big, black, pupilless almond-shaped eye, doesn’t it?
In 1908, a smallish (30-50 meter wide) asteroid had Earth dead in its crosshairs. According to mainstream scientists, who we know make things up all the time, it was atmospheric pressure that caused the rock to explode several kilometers off the surface of the Earth, creating a huge fireball and shock wave that set fire to and knocked down trees for hundreds of square kilometers in a remote swampy region of Siberia.
"Atmospheric pressure". Ha! Stoopid scientists. What obviously reallyhappened was that a brave alien saw what was happening and swung his/her/its spaceship into the way of the incoming space debris, blowing it and him/her/itself up in the process. The Russian scientist in the article cites a piece of quartz with strange markings on it (photo not provided in the article, but Starts With a Bang has some, and they’re clearly, um, rocks) and the presence of ferrum silicate (evidence not provided) as proof an alien was involved.
I mean, c’mon, it would be stupid to argue against evidence like that. I mean it; it would be stupid to argue against it.
And it would be rude for us not to thank this nameless alien, even though maybe it would’ve been a teensy bit better had it actually intercepted the asteroid a few miles farther up so that the shock wave wouldn’t have flattened all that forest. And it would be illogical to wonder why the alien didn’t simply get up there a few days earlier and push the rock out of the way, thus avoiding both the explosion and the alien’s premature demise. After all, it’s an alien spaceship, it must have had radar or sensors or psychic powers that could’ve provided early warning that the rock was headed our way, giving the alien plenty of time to avoid making The Ultimate Sacrifice for us.
Still, anonymous alien from another planet, whatever the circumstances were, I salute you. But just in case any other aliens are listening: if an asteroid is headed toward Fox News HQ, maybe just this once you’ll let it slip past you.
