Vacation, wherein I become a redneck and hunt and kill for my lunch

'My wife's nephew Derek just graduated high school. Since the in-laws live on a farm in Kansas, we headed off to America's breadbasket for a few days to congratulate Derek and to reune with family (no that's probably not a real word, but it should be). I'll take a moment to point out that Derek is going to college to major in microbiology and genetics, and to gently remind you that he is in Kansas. I'll leave it at that. Anyway, we had a cookout yesterday, and the Sun was riding high in the sky. People were busy chatting, laughing, uh, reuning, and my wife and I decided lunch was getting postponed a little too much, so we took over. I went outside to start up the burgers and dogs on the grill, and this is how I Became A Redneck. Duh. As an astronomer, calculating such things as the sky's opacity to ultraviolet radiation, the Sun's elevation, and my skin's absorptive coefficient should have been trivial. In reality, it's actually a simple matter of 1) me being a white guy + 2) me being a guy who spends a lot of time indoors on the computer + 3) the bright Sun = 4) sunburn. Duh. Anyway, so I have not only a red neck, but a trucker's tan as well. So be it. Later in the day, Bill, my step-great-Aunt-in-law's grandson, took us fishing at a local pond, a couple of miles from the farm. We expected to catch some fish, but things quickly spiraled out of control. As a great outdoorsman myself, I knew my proficiency with a rod would be legendary, but even I was surprised to catch the first fish. It was a huge crappie, a two-pounder for sure. Mind you, these fish are generally about 8 inches long and weigh less than a pound. This was certainly the Mutated King of the Crappies. The picture below is of me and a smaller crappie I caught a little while later. Remember that the Mutated One was substantially larger.